Having a baby, especially for the first time, is exciting/scary/emotional/intimidating/humbling and every other emotion in between. For us, we have the added element of surprise since we don't know the baby's gender. We made a conscious decision to not find out the baby's sex based on our doctor's recommendation and never looked back. When all hell broke lose in October we became even more adamant about not finding out the sex the more sonograms we had and the longer the added stress existed. If the baby would have been born at 24, 28, 30 weeks we would have had an uphill battle to fight but at least we would have had a moment of happiness finding out if Baby P was a he or she.
Now that we are approaching 37 weeks, we feel fairly confident the Sweet P will be healthy and are still excited to find out the sex. Having this element of surprise left keeps me secretly praying we have a boy. I love letting people guess what they think the baby is going to be and the reasons why they "know" it's either a boy or girl...so much fun!
Regardless of the gender, I pray loudly and openly this child comes out and is my husband made over. As I've watched and loved him over the past (almost) four years, there are so many qualities about this man that I wish I possessed myself. Less is about his looks, though I think he is hotter than a Texas habanero, and more is about his approach to life.
1.) He is a consummate optimist. Never a negative thought enters his mind that something bad might come from an obstacle we face. I, on the other hand, only see the worst possible scenario that could ever come even if that scenario is so far from statistically possible from really occurring.
2.) He is calm and I am anxious and high-strung. If we were going off to war and on the front lines of a battlefield I would want him leading the charge. He never gets his feathers ruffled even when doomsday seems to be upon us.
3.) He has a small but very tight-knit group of friends that he is dedicated and loyal to. Most of these men have been in his life for 15+ years and stand by each other through thick and thin. My circle of friends at times is probably too large and I expect more than most are able to give which leaves me feeling hurt and angry.
4.) He is the master at a work-life balance. He works incredibly hard during the day but when the day is done, he is focused on family. Not me! I have my computer, phone and any other device that gives me internet access going all the time and do whatever it takes to make sure I'm on top of my game...even when I'm on medical leave. Yes, ambition is good but not when it gets in the way of what's most important, family.
There is one trait we both share and that is undying and unconditional love for each other. I do hope Baby P gets that gene and then some as this is one asset I wouldn’t mind sharing with my child.
But, what is most likely to happen is that karma is a bitch and I will end-up with a girl that will be just like her mother. I will spend the rest of my days looking at myself through the eyes of my daughter and hoping and praying she ends-up just like her father who is a better person than I will ever be on my best day.